12 Ways Parenting Has Changed Me

Grace is a full-fledged crawling, exploring, talking, getting-close(ish)-to-walking one year old!

Every two months, I've written about all the developments and changes that I've seen her go through - everything from smiles to first words. The past two months, there haven't been any new developments, so I've decided to write about the 12 ways that parenting has changed me -- one way for each month she has been alive. Aren't I clever? Here we go!

1. I am more tired, but my ability to function while tired has improved. Though not by much.
2. I've learned how to have an in depth, heart to heart conversation with another person using just "aaahhhhs" and "oooooohs," then using just babbling and razzing, and now using simple phrases and words. ("Grace, is your strawberry yummy?" "MUM!" "Oh good, I'm glad you like it!")
3. My hair is grosser. Since I have my hair in a ponytail so often, I've developed some nasty, kinky curls in back. I'm trying to let my hair down more often to see if it'll smooth back out.
4. My back is stronger.
5. My home is messier. (aka Strewn with toys. And non-toys that my baby thinks make fun toys.) And my home is cuter. (aka soft tipped spoons in the silverware drawer, pink hoodie bath towel hung over my bath towel, etc.)
6. My life is busier. But at the same time, my life is filled with simple joys. Like trips to the toddler park. And the itsy bitsy spider. And exploring the way the inside of the washing machine spins. And the awe of watching a child figure out how the world works.
7. My expectations of myself have plummeted which is overall a really good thing.
8. My marriage is different. We sometimes feel less close because we don't have time to sit and talk for hours like we used to, but we often feel closer because we've created a life, we're raising a life, and we need each other so desperately the whole way!
9. My reflexes are faster from dodging spit up for the first eight months and preventing accidents for the past four months.
10. My days used to have lots of moments alone, but now they are full to the brim of snuggles and cuddles and little sticky hands reaching for me.
11. My vocabulary has expanded to include words like Desitin, Moby, Ranitidine, Lanolin, Bjorn, BOB, etc.
12. I am more content, not because life is easier, but because the focus is not on my wants and needs.

Messy hair, clueless expression, pantless, shirt soaked with drool and who knows what else, holding one of her favorite objects in the world - socks. I could not love this kid more.

Happy birthday, Grace! You've changed our lives in so many ways and we DO NOT want to go back! You are one sweet, curious, talkative, and snuggly kid. It is such a joy to be your parents!

Inspiration Fairy

There is a term in Turkish that translates to "inspiration fairy." My very close, American friend who is studying Turkish while living in Turkey explained what this means. Often, when an artist sits down to create, nothing comes. There is no inspiration. But, sometimes while staring off into space, listening to a boring presentation, sweeping the floor, or doing really anything, *POOF* the inspiration fairy comes to visit. Creativity flows naturally through and from the creator.

Although you cannot force this inspiration to come, you can create space for inspiration to visit more readily. Recently, I've been trying to intentionally open up this space in my life. As a mom and a part time lawyer, I have to be very choosy about my free time. If a book just isn't doing it for me, I'll abandon it halfway through. My garden is a tangle of large weeds and plants that have gone to seed. I rarely sit at the piano anymore and my camera often lays still for days or weeks.

One creative endeavor that I have chosen to pursue in this very full season is writing. I usually write my deepest thoughts in my journal and my exterior life on this blog. I recently also began reading and doing the creative writing exercises in a book about writing more descriptively called "Word Painting." Although it takes lots of energy and intentionality to make space to write in my days, even for just ten minutes, it has been worth it every time -- and the inspiration fairy has visited.

Horchata

Is it possible to live in Los Angeles and not fall in love with Mexican food? I think not. Over the last eight years of dating and marriage, Michael and I have gone to countless taco trucks and taco stands all over LA. We always order tacos or burritos paired with the spiciest salsa we can lay our hands on, and we split a large Styrofoam cup of cinnamony, creamy horchata.

I always assumed that horchata was a milk-based drink and was very surprised when I learned that it was made from rice. Since I'd never heard of a rice-based drink, I assumed it was hard to make. The other day, I looked up a few recipes online for inspiration, saw how easy it was, and made my own. Try it out for yourself!

(Public Service Announcement: Horchata is pronounced "orchata." Please don't say the "h" in horchata. It'd be like saying the "k" in knitting. You just don't!)

Ingredients
1 cup uncooked rice
5 cups water
1 cinnamon stick
1 cup milk (You can substitute part of the milk with cream if you want your horchata super creamy.)
1/2 tablespoon vanilla
1/3 cup white sugar

Directions
Pulse the rice, water, and cinnamon stick in a blender until the rice starts to break apart. Let this cloudy, chunky mixture sit out for several hours to overnight.

Strain out the water and get rid of the broken rice and cinnamon stick. Mix in milk, vanilla, and sugar. Put it in the fridge. While it's chilling, go to the nearest hole in the wall Mexican place and order tacos with spicy, spicy salsa. Stir the horchata, pour, and enjoy!

30 Words

Grace said her first words back in October and November. Throughout December and January, she surprised us by learning a new word every couple of days.

At the end of January, I started to lose track of what she was saying, so a week or two ago I sat down and made a list of every word she has said. I didn't include words that she has just mimicked since she parrots tons of words and sounds. (For instance, two nights ago she copied the word "Obama"!) And what was the grand total? Thirty words! This kid is a talker. She has picked up several more words since then, including guitar, which today sounded something like "cah-car."

But, to keep me humble, she has only just recently started to regularly call me "mama." Before this week, she called me "dada," "that that," "day day," and "up up up."

Five Things I Learned in January

It's been months since I've done one of these posts! Here are five things I learned in January.

1. I LOVE Audrey Assad's new(ish) album, Fortunate Fall. Up to this point, I have been uninterested in most Audrey Assad's music. Then, she went indie giving her artistry a chance to come out. This is the kind of music I could listen to forever. Just look at these lyrics to her song "Humble."

"Humble and human, willing to bend, you are.
Fashioned of flesh and the fire of life, you are.
Not too proud to wear our skin, to know this weary world we're in.
Humble, humble Jesus."

And with these lyrics set to mesmerizing vocals and stripped down piano, I can't help but be a fan. You can stream the album here. Hurry before they take it down! http://www.relevantmagazine.com/the-drop/fortunate-fall

2. There is a limit to how much cuddling I can take. There were a couple of weeks in January where Grace always wanted to be held. When I tell people this they often say, "Awww, so sweet." But, the cuddling had progressed from sweet to wearying. I could get nothing done because the moment I set her down she would cry and reach her little hands for me saying, "up up up." I learned to do quite a few things one handed. Fortunately, the last week has been so much better! Before I put her down for her nap just now, she played by herself for a full twenty minutes! It feels like nothing short of a miracle.

3. My baby is still awesome. Since I just complained about Grace, I have to mention a couple of the awesome things about my baby, though the most awesome thing is that she's mine. :)

She has excellent communication skills for her age. She points, nods her head, grunts, says "ya," and uses some words to get her needs met. What a change from those days where crying was her only form of communication!

She's also an excellent eater, willing to try anything she sees mommy and daddy eating. The other day she was grunting and pointing to try some spicy salsa. We gave her a little and she screamed. A few days later, she was grunting and pointing to get a taste of a stick of butter. We didn't give in because something told me should would love it.

4. My expectations for work and motherhood haven't worked out as planned. When we started up, I expected that most of our business would come from areas of immigration law that are compatible with working almost entirely from home. I was wrong. All our legal work involves lengthy commutes to LA, so my partner has taken it all, and I've been doing admin work, marketing, and supervising our interns. This has been a bit of a disappointment, but I am glad to have some interesting work to do and I am still hopeful that we will eventually get work that's compatible with my schedule.

5. Finally, and most importantly, picture frames from the dollar store are awesome! When you touch them, it's clear that they are made of cheap plastic, but once they are hung on the wall with a beautiful picture inside, they look about as good as any other frame -- and they only cost $1.

28

The annual reflection. Here are the posts from when I turned 27, 26, and 25.

What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

Welcoming Grace into our family!

What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
Caring for Grace. Especially those exhausting first months.

What was an unexpected joy this past year?

• I was originally planning to go solo with law practice, but I sensed a nudge to invite my former law school classmate, Sarah, to join me. Best move ever. I wouldn't have been able to do it without her.
• Because so many areas of my life overlap, I was able to do a lot in addition to full time parenting this past year. For instance, the college student I'm mentoring is also interning with our law firm and is one of Michael's Intervarsity students. The nonprofit board that I serve on has several ties with my law firm and many of Michael's Intervarsity students volunteer with the nonprofit. Without this kind of overlap, my commitments would have felt disjointed and would have burned me out. Since things are so overlapping and unified, I am able to do a lot without expending loads of energy and time.

What was an unexpected obstacle?
Acid reflux. I knew that the exhaustion of caring for a newborn would throw me for a loop, but then Grace unexpectedly had acid reflux. Those screaming bouts where she arched her whole body just about killed me.

What image best captures this year?

What were the best books you read this year?

• Anne of Green Gables
• Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking
• O, Pioneers!
• Miss Minimalist

With whom were your most valuable relationships?
Michael and Grace - there's nothing like a selfless husband and a sweet daughter.
And Ingrid - there's nothing like a friend who listens, cares, and shares.

What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
For the first half of the year, I wasted a lot of time on Facebook.

What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Playing with Michael and Grace.

What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?
The art of letting go. 

I love being in control. These days, almost all of my time goes toward things that I can influence, but ultimately cannot completely control, including parenting a baby, starting up a law firm, and discerning the future. I've been in bootcamp, learning to let go and trust God.

What would you like to have this year that you lacked last year?
Lots!

• We're in the midst of some pretty major life transitions -- as are practically all people in their 20s. I want guidance on what is next.
• I would like my law firm to be well-established and consistently profitable.
• Connection with God throughout the day.

What days will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

• February 26th - The day Grace was born.
• My first Mother's Day. It was awful.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Giving birth to and caring for a baby.

What was your biggest failure?
Worrying. (i.e. not letting go)

Did you suffer illness or injury?

For the first week after childbirth, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, so I'll count that!

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Everything Grace! Grace's arrival; Grace smiling; Grace laughing; Grace learning to roll over, sit up, say her first words, crawl...

What kept you sane?
My husband's humor and constant willingness to help.

What are you looking forward to the most this year?
Enjoying time as a family.

We're Back!

After three weeks of travel, we are finally home! My little family spent over two weeks in Colorado enjoying loads of family time. Last week, Michael went on to St. Louis for Intervarsity's national staff conference. I stayed in Colorado to avoid being in an empty home with my baby.

So much happened in those three weeks that I'm not even going to try to sum them up here! Instead, let me focus in on three discoveries I made over the last few weeks: a singer/songwriter, a book, and a recipe.

The singer/songwriter, Josh Garrels. His great lyrics, interesting instrumentation, and unusual voice have grabbed me. If you'd like a taste, check out the songs "Farther Along," "Pilot Me," and "Little Blue."

The book, Foreign to Familiar. The author describes the differences between hot climate cultures (relationship oriented, indirect communication, group oriented, etc.) and cold climate cultures (task oriented, direct communication, individual oriented, etc.)

For instance, if you walked into a hardware store in rural Georgia, a hot climate culture, and asked where the nails were, you'd be perceived as rude for not making small talk first. If you walked into a hardware store in Los Angeles, a cold climate culture, and started to ask the employee how they're doing and made a comment about the weather, you'd be perceived as annoying for wasting their time. I thought this book was a great, broad strokes guide to understanding cultural differences. And it's pretty short.

This super easy and really yummy crockpot chili recipe. Sometimes it's relaxing to cook a meal that requires attention to chopping, stirring, watching, and waiting. But, usually I prefer super easy cooking. This recipe is about as easy as it gets - the only work involved is chopping an onion, chopping celery, and dumping things in the crockpot. I had this chili at my brother's house on Friday night. It was the first thing I cooked when I came home on Sunday. Yum!