Christmas

As Christmas rolls around once again, two things hold me in wide-eyed marvel at the incarnation.

First, these words:

Man’s maker was made man,

that He, Ruler of the stars, might nurse at His mother’s breast;

that the Bread might hunger,

the Fountain thirst,

the Light sleep,

the Way be tired on its journey;

that the Truth might be accused of false witness,

the Teacher be beaten with whips,

the Foundation be suspended on wood;

that Strength might grow weak;

that the Healer might be wounded;

that Life might die.

– St. Augustine

Second, being around baby. The other day, I propped Cora up on a pillow to sit and then wandered off to give Grace a snack. A couple of minutes later, I heard a little cry and realized that Cora had toppled sideways, had ended up face down on the carpet, and was getting tired of holding her head up. All she could do was let out a cry in hopes that I would come to her rescue.

God once made himself that needy.

Restoration for the Weary Mom of Two Under Two

Parenting is awesome, but it is tiring. My head and shoulders, knees and toes, eyes and ears and mouth and nose are weary. I am counting down the days until my sweet baby starts waking up only once a night and develops some sort of moderately predictable eating and sleeping schedule during the day. Too bad I have no idea how many weeks to count down! 

In the meantime, I have found a few activities that restore me. So, if you ever find yourself the mom of two under two years of age, try any of the following. I've done them all at least once in the past couple of weeks.

Take a shower.

Brush your teeth and brush your hair.

Lie in a grassy field in the sun.

Go for a long walk.

Eat M&Ms.

Take a nap.

Get a back scratch from your husband.

Cry.

Pick up a couple of new clothing items that flatter your not quite back to normal body.

Read a few pages of a good book.

Do your hair.

Do your hair and put on some makeup.

Get your toddler belly laughing.

Write. In a journal, on your computer, on your blog, on a napkin. Whatever. Just process.

Tell other parents how exhausted you are. You should get nothing but sympathy.

Tell God how exhausted you are. You will get nothing but sympathy.

Snuggle your sleeping baby, memorize her smell, feel her little breaths, and remember that this won't last for long.

Cora - Two Months Old

Well, people, we've got a two month old in the house!

Cora is sweet and mellow and growing like a weed. Babies are supposed to double their birth weight in six months. My nursing champion is on track to double hers before she's three months old. She is also surprisingly strong. She can hold her head steady while upright and she can bear most of her weight on her legs.

Cora's favorite things so far include...

• Soaking in the world with her gigantic, alert eyes. She especially likes cooing at and staring at Michael.
• Eating. She does it all day long and twice most nights. I was relieved to find out how much weight she's gaining. All the nursing is paying off!
• Spitting up. I remember Grace spitting up pretty profusely, but I feel like Cora might one up her on that front - before feedings, during feedings, after feedings, chunky, dribbly, projectile... she's mastered it all.
• Smashing her face into something to fall asleep. During the third trimester, the ultrasound tech couldn't get a good picture of Cora's face because it was buried into the wall of my uterus. Now that she's out of the womb, she still likes to bury her face into my arm, my chest, the side of her swing, or anything else that's not SIDS-proof to fall asleep.

When Cora was born, Grace pronounced Cora's name "Caca" which means "poop" in Spanish. Now she calls her "Caya" which means "trash" in Thai. Despite these awful names, she has adjusted surprisingly well to being a big sister. She very sweetly tries to share her sippy cups and toys with caca/caya and she kisses her before going to bed. It's been awesome to watch their budding sibling relationship.

Each child is an incredible, precious gift. We are so grateful to have Cora in our family. I'm really looking forward to uncovering more of who she is over the upcoming months!

Things I Learned in October

It's fall!

Here are a few things I learned this past month...

There are gobs of good books available on Amazon for Kindle for FREE! Most of these books are classics, which is perfect because I usually prefer a book that has stood the test of time over a current bestseller. I'm going to be working through this list for years.

The book, Les Misérables, is not only readable, it is excellent. Ever since watching the movie almost two years ago, I've been wanting to read Les Mis, but I've been intimidated by its massive size. Since it's free for Kindle, I dove in a week ago and I'm hooked.

My husband enjoys classic books too. When he saw the list of free ebooks, he asked if I recommended any. I told him that The Strange Case of Jekyll and Hyde was an addicting read. He read it, loved it, and moved onto another one of Robert Louis Stevenson's most famous novels, Treaure Island. He says it's even better than Jekyll and Hyde. I have book envy.

If you take a branch off of a tomato plant, stick it in the ground, and water it, you can grow a whole new tomato plant. Here's Grace with the new plant.

Sleep deprivation is just as hard the second time around. Sleep dep reveals the worst in me - I get cranky and emotional and I can't deal with anything. My sleep dep reveals the best in Michael - he is patient and gracious and ever-loving. Where did I find him?!

Going for a walk is an almost acceptable alternative to caffeine. I normally have a cup of hot, black tea every morning. While nursing Grace, I noticed no difference in her napping habits based off of my caffeine consumption, so I kept up my habit. With Cora, a simple cup of tea can mess up her napping for hours, so I've reluctantly given it up. In giving up caffeine, I've found that a thirty minute walk can perk me up almost as well. Though you can be sure that when I'm done nursing, the first thing I will do is drink a cup of tea.

While words tell me, art moves me. Over the past weeks, I've come across multiple forms of art on the theme of being welcomed by God despite my mess. I've been a follower of Jesus for over two decades, so it is a very familiar message, but I feel the art speaking to me in deeper ways than I've ever felt this message conveyed. Thank God for poetry, paintings, parables, artful prose, and literature. 

The poem is George Herbert's Love (III).
The artful prose is Nouwen's The Return of the Prodigal Son writing about Rembrandt's painting by the same name, both based off of Jesus' parable of the prodigal son.
The literature is Les Misérables, specifically the scene involving the Bishop and his silver.

Toddler in the House

Before having my own kids, the toddler stage puzzled me. I had no idea how to interact with those little people. Now that Grace is a toddler, I'm still puzzled and at times have no idea how to interact with my little person, but I'm leaning to love it. How could I not?

Playing in the garden.

Dirty bottom.

A conversation through the open window with our elderly neighbor.

Helping Daddy bring in the trash barrels.

See that face? She admires him so much.

Playing with glow sticks in the bathtub.

Naked Jedi running naked through the hallway, light saber in hand.

Wearing Daddy's shoes on her arms.

Wearing her sunglasses(ish).

Wearing her socks on her hands.

And she'll still sometimes snuggle like a baby.

Cora's Birth

Cora was born on September 8th at 10:42 A.M. She was 19.5 inches long and weighed just 6 lbs 2 oz. Here is the story of her birth.

A little background: Grace came two weeks early and in a little over two hours. Since second babies tend to come even faster, we had people on call to rush over at a moment's notice to babysit Grace so we could get to the hospital. My main goal was to not give birth on our kitchen floor. I also decided to go for a natural childbirth again, though after experiencing the incredible pain of delivering Grace, I was totally open to getting the epidural if I needed it.

The night before Cora was born, almost two weeks before her due date, I felt some contractions, but fell asleep. In the middle of the night, more painful contractions woke me up. They were pretty regular, so we decided to play it safe, had my friend Sarah come over, and we went to the hospital. They began monitoring me, the contractions slowed down, and an internal check told me that I was still just 1 cm dilated as I had been for over a week. We went home, sent Sarah home, and went back to sleep.

At 6:45 I woke up to painful contractions again, so we went to the hospital again around 8:30. My friend Claire met us there to take Grace. I was feeling very discouraged because my contractions were very painful, but I figured I was probably still barely progressing. I was so relieved to find out I was 8cm dilated. I knew I could do it without the epidural again.

I spent the next hour in active labor. Cora was head down, but facing my stomach instead of my spine, so all of the pain was in my back. With every contraction, Michael pressed his full weight and strength into my lower back as I whimpered and moaned. He later told me he was shaking from the exertion!

A little before 10:30, my body started pushing, and my nurse wheeled me into the delivery room. That's when the real battle began. I lay on my left side with Michael holding my right leg. I fought the urge to push with all my might (an impossible task) so that my body could slowly stretch rather than tear. After about fifteen minutes of pushing, Michael excitedly told me he could see her head and that it was full of black hair. My doctor broke my water (how was it intact so long?!) and Cora's head and body slid out with just one push. She lay quiet for a few moments and then started wailing - the most beautiful and relieving sound! Within a few minutes, they placed my prize on my chest for those wonderful first snuggles.

Many mothers talk about being bowled over by maternal love the moment they see their children born. I didn't experience that with either birth. For me, my maternal love took a backseat and instead, I was flooded with relief to be done and wonder, amazement, and awe that that tiny, crying girl was Cora and that she was mine.

Things I Learned in September

Pineapple skin and mango skin are edible. According to this article. I also now feel validated in my consumption of kiwi skins. Yum!

You can buy rambutan in California, but a single fruit costs as much as an entire kilo in Thailand. I wonder, can you eat these hairy, prickly skins?

When strangers share their opinion about how easy or hard a stage of parenting was, to not take their opinions too seriously. Over the summer, when strangers at the park and at grocery stores saw how pregnant I was and how young Grace was, several comments ran something like this: "18 months apart?! Poor thing, you will not sleep or have a life." I forgot that every kid and combo of kids is different, so you can't take these opinions too seriously. Right now, we're doing really well. I'm sure we'll hit other stages in this raising small children gig that other parents found easy but we will find very difficult. The point is to not project others' experiences onto your own kids.

Four years. That's how long it takes me to build community. Four years ago, we made a forty mile move - just far enough to have to start all over. I felt lonely for the first couple of years and it was hard. Cora's birth opened my eyes to how many friends we've made over the last years. So many people have helped in so many ways. I certainly don't feel lonely anymore!

If you want to suck the joy out of caring for a newborn, be a control freak. I have a type-A personality. With Grace, it took me a couple of months to really learn to let go. With Cora's arrival, I've found myself slipping back into control freak mode. This past week, I have stopped trying to plan ahead and I am embracing the unpredictability of caring for a newborn. It's good for my soul.

Thriving

Cora Elise.

Cora is my grandma's name. I'll never forget the way her eyes lit up when I told her it was going to be my daughter's name too. My eyes lit up a moment later when I found out that my grandma's grandma was Cora too. There's something extra neat that it's all down the maternal line. Cora is named after her mom's mom's mom who is named after her mom's mom.

Elise means "God is bountiful." A year and a half ago, He gave us the awesome gift of a child - something we've done nothing to deserve - a spectacular show of His grace. Then, He turned around and gave us another one! Yes, God gives generously.

Since Cora was born, the temperature outside has steadily risen from the 90s, to the 100s, and right now the internet tells me it's 106 degrees out. Even in the evening when I step outside the house, the heat is almost palpable, like a thick blanket that I can touch and taste and see. Before Cora was born, based off of how difficult the first two weeks were with Grace, I spent many hours worrying about the pain of childbirth and surviving the first couple of weeks. I've been shocked by how smooth and joyful everything has been. We are not just surviving. We are thriving. Like the heat rising day by day, my sense of God's grace and peace surrounding our family and household grows until it is almost palpable. I can almost taste and see that He is good.

Grace - 18 Months Old

It's 98 degrees, I'm super pregnant, my kid is napping, and my husband is busy. It's the perfect time to sit in front of a fan and write a blog post!

So, what is 18-month-old, almost-big-sister Grace up to these days?

Lots!

Grace eats everything including seaweed, broccoli, vegetable juice, raw onion, uncooked beans, uncooked rice, dirt, and gravel. She's even begged for raw chicken, but I've drawn the line there. When I cook, she begs to try whatever I'm preparing, hence the onion and uncooked rice and beans. If she's playing outdoors and snack time rolls around, she'll put a fistful of whatever into her mouth, hence the dirt and gravel.

When we are out of the house, especially in social situations, Grace is usually very quiet, keeps to herself, and observes what's going on. But, the moment we get back into her safe, little home bubble, she fills any silence with talking, singing, helicopter noises, dog barks, etc. She practices talking so much, she's pretty amazing at it! She uses more words than we can possibly count. The other day, when I put her sandals on wrong, she pointed at her feet and said, "Shoes uncomfortable!" She's also been saying some simple sentences like "Mama's shoes are off" and "Dada put red shoes on." Yes, a lot of her best talking is on the topic of shoes.

What are some of Grace's favorite things besides eating and talking?

• Finding polka dots everywhere. I didn't even know there were so many polka dots in the world until she started pointing them all out.
• Doing things "All bah fahFAH." (all by myself)
• Letting us know she doesn't want something: "All done mama hug." "All done outside." "All done water."
• Helicopters, trains, airplanes, and the trash truck. In fact, we finally got her to accept childcare at church without too much crying by switching her from the nursery full of baby toys to the toddler room which has a train set.
• Playing with dirt, gravel, water, and sand.
• Finding mommy and daddy's red car in the parking lot.
• Telling us things that she thinks are beautiful. So far, clouds, trees, my colorful shoes, my colorful bracelet, a golf cart, and several songs.
• Singing songs, especially songs with motions, and especially "The Wheels on the Bus" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."
• Counting. Which goes something like this: "one, two, five, FIVE!"

Grace, you are fun, goofy, sweet, and affectionate. It's so fun watching you become more and more independent and brave. We love you sooo much!

Even Death Will Die

The last couple of weeks have been filled with life. I've celebrated new marriages, spent time with family, picked ripe figs, eaten fresh pastries, prepared for the arrival of my little baby, and shared more happy moments with Michael and Grace than I can remember.

But, as I and my little world are almost literally bursting with life, the joy has been dampened by pain, sickness, and death around me. A friend's marriage is falling apart. They have two little kids. I know of a little church that seems to be falling apart too. The friend of a friend recently lost his fight with cancer leaving behind his wife and toddler. My grandmother's sister just passed away, too. And when I hear about the pain, sickness, and death in Iraq, Missouri, Central America, West Africa, and on and on I could go, I seem to carry those unknown faces around with me as well.

In the midst of all the life I have been living and all the death I have been feeling, I've been listening to this song practically on repeat:

Death, be not proud, though the whole world fear you: 
mighty and dreadful you may seem, but death, be not proud—
for your pride has failed you— you will not kill me.

Though you may dwell in plague and poison,
you’re a slave to Fate and desperate men—
so death, if your sleep be the gates to heaven,
why your confidence?

You will be no more — you will be no more — you will be no more.
Even death will die.
Even death will die.

- "Death, Be Not Proud" by Audrey Assad based off of John Donne's Holy Sonnet

Yes, death is not the last word! Ultimately, for those who are in Christ, life will triumph and even death itself will die. As I hold onto this truth, I find permission to revel in new exciting marriages and old healthy marriages, trees on public sidewalks full of ripe figs, my daughter's hilarious attempts to parrot full sentences, and my belly swollen beyond capacity. This life is what ultimately will last.

Even with so much life around me, hard days are coming. They always come. May I hold onto this hope even when the hard days are here.

Andrea and Jason's Wedding

Last Friday, my little sister got married.

Andrea cleaned up into the most beautiful, radiant bride. Jason was the most smiley, smitten groom. I got to be the maid of honor and Grace and her 22-month-old cousin, Lilianna, were flower girls. Aside from Grace tripping and crying in the middle of the aisle (poor thing!), the day was practically perfect. And the moments where they pledged themselves to each other for the rest of their lives couldn't have been any more joyful.

Here's Jason's expression as Andrea appeared at the top of the aisle. He's so happy it looks like it hurts!

All of these pictures were taken by my friend, Andrea Wallace. This was the first wedding she's ever shot. She did an amazing job.

Summertime is Diapertime

Almost every picture I've taken of Grace this summer has been of her in just a diaper. This testifies both to how much time she's spent romping around without clothes and to how cute bare toddler bellies and thighs are. Here are a few favorite shots.

It rained today.

Upside down!

Watching the birds.

Eating a "neh-neh-een" (nectarine).

Homemade Salsa

What's my new favorite way to use up garden tomatoes? Homemade salsa! There are probably endless recipes online. Here's the salsa recipe I've been making dug up from a January 2012 post on this blog and slightly modified. It's quite quick and easy to make and is just about the tastiest way I can think of to eat my veggies.

Ingredients
Four large tomatillos
Two roma tomatoes or a couple of handfuls of cherry tomatoes
A quarter of an onion
A chili (Serrano? Habanero? You decide the heat level! What do we use? One tiny, fiery Thai pepper.)
One bunch of cilantro
One garlic clove
Salt

Directions
1. Roast the tomatillos, tomatoes, onion, and chili on a baking sheet under the broiler or on the grill, flipping them as needed, until they turn brown and toasty all over. Burnt spots are good. If you want to be really healthy, you can toast up whole wheat tortillas in the oven or on the grill to serve as baked chips.
2. Pulse all the ingredients in a blender or food processor until your salsa reaches the desired texture. Add more salt if needed.
3. Serve with chips. (And horchata!)

Things I've Learned This Summer (So Far)

My husband knows how to wear out a pair of sandals. For the past five years Michael has worn a sturdy pair of brown sandals every day that it hasn't rained. I thought they had worn out a couple of years ago. He decided they had worn out a couple of months ago. In a moment where my mouth ran off ahead of my brain, I suggested he look for the same sandals on Amazon. He found and purchased the same exact sturdy brown sandals, so they will be a part of our marriage for another five years. I wish women's sandals wore that well.

My daughter knows how to wear out a pair of sandals, too.

I love reading memoirs. My two recent favorites?

• Call the Midwife - In her 20's, Jennifer Worth joined a group of nuns working as midwives in the slums of post World War II London. In her memoir, she recounts stories about all the interesting characters she met along the way from nuns to prostitutes to mothers giving birth. It's rare for a book to make me laugh out loud, and I can probably count on one hand the number of books that have made me cry real tears. This book did both. (The book is also a raved about PBS series.)
• Twelve Years a Slave - Just like everyone else, I first heard of this book when I heard of the movie. Since it was written in the 1800's, I figured the writing style would be too antiquated. I was wrong. Solomon Northup's memoir is simple, eloquent, and harrowing. His first-hand account of being kidnapped away from his wife, children, and comfortable life in the North into slavery in the deep South has changed my view of slavery in the U.S. His words need to be read and remembered. ($.99 on Kindle)

It takes a week for a little family to recover from travel and jet lag. Coming back from Thailand at the end of June, we did practically nothing but settle in and recover for an entire week. We were exhausted. One evening, we tried to stretch Grace to her 8:00 bedtime by taking her on a walk in her stroller. She fell asleep and could not be woken up.

One-year-olds look cute in gin boxes. When I ask her to smile for the camera, this is what I get.

We own too much. Michael and I have spent the past week tossing, recycling, and Goodwilling our stuff. We just did this last summer. Where does it all come from?! I always feel like we live simply and don't own too much. But, then we start "minimalizing" and reality hits: we own too much stuff. Worst thing we found: a $200 check in a wedding card. Since it's over five years old, I feel like I shouldn't cash it!

How to get good white balance, how to get tack sharp photos, how to use leading lines, ... all from my new favorite photography blog. If you visit the website, you'll be invited to download their free ebook. Do it! It has a few good tips and then lots of helpful links to get you started on the blog.

Survival Guide for the Newborn Days

Two months after finding out we were having another baby, I thought back on the joy, delirium, and exhaustion of the newborn days with our first baby. Based on these memories, I jotted down some thoughts on surviving (and even enjoying) the first weeks with our second child. 

With the due date for number two just two months away, I write my thoughts here in hopes that they come back to me more readily when I'm in the middle of the exhaustion of those first twelve weeks. It will also be interesting to look back to see if my expectations were on or way off target.

How can something so sweet and tiny run adults ragged?

First five days...

• Sleep as much as possible.
• Eat, nurse the baby, connect with Grace once a day, and take a few pictures.
• Embrace the roller coaster of hormonal emotions.
• Let Michael take all other details.

First two weeks...

• Let Michael coordinate meals that are delivered by friends, get food for our family, and making sure we have enough diapers.
• Jot down the birth story.
• Connect once with Michael to talk, cry, and/or laugh about how we're doing.
• Go outside even if it's just sitting on the backyard swing in the morning.

First month...

• Don't clean.
• Don't cook.
• Go outside the house a few times per week even if it's just a walk around the block.

First three months...

• Don't expect much sleep, go to sleep right after Grace, and embrace feeling like a total zombie.
• Write a blog post around the two month mark about the new baby.
• If you feel like cooking or cleaning, do it. If you don't, don't.
• Pray and spend time in Scripture when it's helpful. Don't guilt trip over not doing it. Once per week is plenty.
• Don't try to lose the pregnancy weight yet. Just eat healthy food when hungry. (Which will be all the time because you're breastfeeding!)

Am I missing anything? Is there anything you would add? Parents who have had two kids, is this realistic with a newborn and a toddler?

Thailand by the Numbers

In January 2012, Michael and I went to Thailand to visit family. We also did typical touristy stuff - the Grand Palace, the most famous temples, a boat cruise down the Chao Phraya River, and the beaches in south Thailand. This time around, we did nothing touristy and got to see a lot of the "real" Bangkok. Here is my best attempt to summarize two incredible weeks.

33 hours spent on planes.

8 hours spent on layovers.

+14 hours - The time change.

27 weeks pregnant.

Dozens of bananas and rambutan consumed. We also ate gobs of pineapple, guava, mangosteen, and green mango. But, the bananas and rambutan were our family's favorite. We also ate dozens of Thai dishes. Only a couple of them appear in your typical American Thai restaurant. 

6 - The number of homes and hotels we stayed in during our two weeks. I highly recommend not moving around this much with a toddler. It made things a little too crazy, but it's what we had to do for the purposes of our trip.

3 trips to the pharmacy.

• Trip #1: Thailand has too many mosquitoes. Michael's aunt's home is out in the tropical countryside and is surrounded on three sides by mostly stagnant water. Within our first 48 hours of being in Thailand, Michael was bit about two dozen times around his ankles. When his ankle bone disappeared under the swelling and it hurt to walk, we did a little online research and purchased over-the-counter Allegra for about $10. The swelling was completely gone in a couple of days.
• Trip #2: Thailand is so hot and so humid. Grace was such a sticky little sweat ball that she developed a heat rash on the back of her neck that turned into a stinky, itchy, painful yeast infection. After emailing and Vibering my nurse practitioner mom, we went to the pharmacy, purchased cream, and the infection was gone in a couple of days.
• Trip #3: More yeast cream.

4 - Number of malls visited. There aren't many parks, museums, etc. in Bangkok, so everyone goes to the mall instead. These malls are nothing like American malls. They are huge, crowded, posh, often themed, and there are new ones being built all the time. Inside these malls, I saw a waterfall, parrots, and a giant replica of the Golden Gate Bridge.

1 incredible conversation with three women who were formerly prostitutes. Thailand is infamous for prostitution, sex trafficking, and sex tourism. We were able to visit an organization (The Well) that works with women who are trying to leave that life. While visiting, we sat down with three Thai women to hear their life stories all the way from horrific abuse and trauma in childhood, to selling themselves throughout adolescence and young adulthood, to being healed and transformed by the grace of God, to now working with "bar girls" trying to leave the sex industry. It was such a privilege to hear their stories and to marvel at God's great compassion and power.

3 nights spent in slums. We visited another organization (Servant Partners) that seeks transformation in urban slums all over the world, including in Bangkok. The staff and interns actually live in the slums alongside the people. Incredible, right?! We got to spend time in three different communities experiencing that lifestyle. It was tiring and difficult in some ways, but at the same time, our imaginations over here in the comfy west can blow things out of proportion and the word "slum" brings to mind only refuse and crime. Life is life all over the world. In the slums, we saw people doing laundry, caring for babies, selling and buying, singing and playing, chatting with their neighbors, and simply living life.

15 - The number of hours Grace slept the first night we were back home. She was such a trooper with being dragged all over Bangkok for two weeks. But, we definitely wore her out. I've never appreciated the simplicity and routine of our everyday lives more than now.

Summertime

When I think of summer, I like to imagine that this is all I'll be doing:

But, that's unlikely. This summer is kind of nuts.

I'm going to be traveling three of the next six weeks. This includes a weekend on Catalina Island, a weekend in Colorado (sans baby), and last but certainly not least, a 24+ hours each way with a toddler two week trip to Thailand where there was recently a military coup. Yup. Nuts.

Then, mid-July through mid-August, there'll be a bit of a lull where we will tackle some projects and prioritize doing lots of this...

The highlight of the summer comes mid-August when we will celebrate my sister's wedding with lots of family here in Southern California. Once the festivities are past, it'll be time for Michael to get ready for a new school year and for all three of us to get as ready as possible for the highlight of the year -- baby #2 who should be here by mid-September. And then things will slow down. Just kidding!

All fun, all good stuff, but all a little nuts! Blog, I will see you when I see you. Peace.