A couple of weeks ago, I decided to bake cookies with my three kids, ages 6, 4, and 1. I don't like baking. When I think about the handful of times I've baked with my kids, I feel stressed. But, I have this image of a "good mom" in the kitchen, patiently helping her kids measure flour and crack eggs. So, I decided baking cookies together was a good idea.
Within about five minutes of starting, one daughter had dropped a raw egg on the floor, the other daughter had cracked a raw egg with the insides landing more on the table than in the bowl, somehow there was flour everywhere already, and the one year old was yelling "See! See! See!" wanting to spend the whole experience up high on my hip where he could watch the baking chaos leaving me short one hand that I so desperately needed.
I felt overwhelmed and I was doing everything I could not to roll my eyes and snap at my daughters. I told them how I was feeling, "Grace and Cora, mommy is feeling a little overwhelmed right now. You're not in trouble, but I need a break. I'm going to mix the dough during Isaiah's nap and later this afternoon, you can help me form the dough into cookies." Thankfully, they were chill and went with it. Who wants to bake with barely-holding-it-together-mommy anyway?
Fast forward a week, we were on vacation at one of the beautiful islands here in Thailand. After a couple of days of going to the beach and the pool, the pool and the beach, I pulled out my phone to see what else we could do and found the description of a short hike to a waterfall. "Michael are you up for this?" "Sure, let's do it."
The next day, we dressed our kids in swimsuits, packed lots of snacks, and coached them along a 600 meter hiking trail through the jungle to a waterfall that was just a trickle due to little rain. Over the next couple of hours, I took my kids swimming in the deep, cool natural pool showing them how to keep the fish from nibbling their feet and legs and showing them how to use the ropes to pull themselves up onto the rocks surrounding the pool so they could jump and slide into the water. We watched orange butterflies fluttering around and we fed cracker crumbs to the fish. The time flew by. I felt tired, but in a satisfied way from working and playing hard.
When I think of a "good mom," I think of quality time baking cookies together in the kitchen. When I think of a "good mom" I never think of quality time swimming in a natural pool on a jungle island. But, the cookie baking scenario stresses me out. The hiking and swimming scenario sounds SO MUCH FUN every time.
Since we live in a large city, adventurous hikes don't happen often, but I do enjoy sharing mini experiences of nature and adventure with my kids even if it's going to the neighborhood pool, trying a new Thai fruit or dessert together, playing at the park after dinner, or watering plants together on the front porch.
My husband doesn't bake and, if it wasn't for me, he probably wouldn't go swimming in the jungle. These are not his strengths. Michael is a total Bible nerd, devouring books and podcasts on theology and the Bible. He is also a gifted teacher. He can explain complicated subjects clearly and succinctly.
This strength has found its way into his parenting. When he is hanging out with the kids at home, he gets into deep conversations about God, theology, the Bible, and life - taking complicated topics that most adults don't even understand and packaging them in a way that our daughters can understand. When they talk theology, their endless questions meet his endless patience and Michael satiates their curiosity with stories, metaphors, and examples of really, really complicated stuff. He frequently keeps our girls happy and engaged for long periods of time by simply using this strength.
Doing only things I enjoy 100% of the time while parenting is totally unrealistic. There's usually a mountain of dishes at my house, homework to complete, groceries to buy. BUT letting go of my fantasy image of the good mom I "should" be and replacing that image with who I really am, strengths, weaknesses, and all… that sounds doable, life-giving, and runs a higher chance of me actually connecting with my kids and passing on some of the things I love to my little munchkins during these short years that they are under my care.
