Unknown

The other day, I sat down, picked up a pen, and began writing a list of the things that I will miss when I move to Thailand. The list included central air conditioning, our dishwasher, and our bathtub. Every home I've been to in Thailand doesn't have these things, so I assume we won't either. I will also miss really good Mexican food and Mediterranean food, wearing sweaters, scarves, and boots, speaking and operating in English, and living near or in nature. I will miss a lot of our stuff including books, dishes, our bed... Even though it's just "stuff," I like it all and I'll miss it. On a deeper, tear-inducing level, I will miss knowing how to operate within culture/society and I will most deeply miss my family and friends. I love my people. We're all about to be really far apart. And that's just hard.

I then began to list the things that I think I will love about Thailand and will eventually miss when we move back to the US. I'm sure I will miss the friends I make, though since I don't have any yet this feels more theoretical than emotional. I know I will miss low cost housing, low cost food, low cost everything. I will certainly be in sticker shock when we come back to the US. I'll miss eating awesome Thai food everywhere all the time and I think I'll miss speaking Thai.

Did you notice how much longer and more concrete the first list is than the second? The losses associated with moving my family thousands of miles across an ocean to a whole new culture stare me in the face. I have begun to clearly see the cost. But, I haven't found what I will gain in moving to Thailand. So much is unknown. The unknowns make moving difficult. The unknowns make almost all transitions difficult for that matter. I feel poignantly what I am giving up, but I don't yet know what I am gaining. I just move forward in trust that something good waits for me in the unknown.

In a few months, I will board a plane leaving behind a whole host of things, places, and people. Seven checked bags, three carry on's, two little girls, my husband, and I will enter into the unknown. I don't think I could ever do it if I didn't believe that our Father has something good for me, something I'll someday miss when I have to leave it behind. And so we move forward in trust and hopeful anticipation.