10 Things I Learned in April

Something about the strangeness of this season made me dust off the old blog and wrote a "Ten Things I Learned In April" post. Enjoy!

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I learned that "100's & 1000's" is Australian for "sprinkles."

I learned that homeschooling is doable. Though if I didn't have a husband jumping in for significant chunks, I would possibly die or go insane.

I learned that my first grader doesn't know what pennies and dimes are. Everyday, Grace was breezing through the math portion of her homeschool morning until we got to the page where her American workbook not-helpfully-for-expat-kids used pennies and dimes to explain the concept of ones and tens. Grace was just confused until I pulled out a 10 baht and 1 baht coin and explained it that way.

I learned why the label "model minority" is harmful to Asian-Americans. Shout out to episode 72 on anti-Asian racism during the pandemic on one of my favorite podcasts "The New Activist." So much goodness all over this podcast.

I learned that going to immigration is indeed boring and exhausting. Picture being at the DMV from 7am to 2pm. That's what going to immigration is like. This time around though, we were hopeful that it would be somewhat fun since we've been stuck in our house/neighborhood for weeks. Nope. Exhausting. And I spilled Khao Soi on my dress. Buuut, we walked away with the six month visas we were needing, yay!

I learned that all three of my kids are still capable of getting sick even while under quarantine. Cora got a blistering rash on the back of her fingers from contact with a rove beetle which later got infected and necessitated a trip to the dermatologist. A couple weeks later, Grace mysteriously threw up. A couple days later, Isaiah threw up too. Impressive getting sick skills, children! (Update: and then in early May, Cora threw up, and then Isaiah threw up again, and then I was sick for a couple days with what I'll just call "the opposite of throw up.")

I learned how to make orange marmalade. It was REAL good. Though I suppose it doesn't look so good after all that talk about throwing up.

I learned that a large (3x2 meters!) inflatable pool provides HOURS of entertainment for my kids. Happy kids, happy parents!

I learned about the wonders of slow television. When the days are just so long, we turn on slow tv and leave it playing in the background of our day. So far, we've ridden a train for eight hours over the mountains in Norway, hiked for an hour through a forest in Sweden, followed indigenous Sami women on a two hour reindeer sleigh journey above the arctic circle in wintertime (it ends with the Northern lights!)

I learned that I can cut my husband's hair. And not just some ugly hack job. It actually looks good.

Top Four Books of 2019

Every night before I go to sleep, I read. I've kept this habit for well over 10 years, and I don't think I could fall asleep without this ritual.

All these daily minutes have added up. In 2019, I read about two dozen books cover to cover. Here are my four favorites in no particular order. 

(You'll quickly see that I have a soft spot for memoirs and novels that immerse me into a life experience completely different than my own.)

The Girl With Seven Names by Hyeonseo Lee

Genre: memoir

Year Published: 2015

Description: The story of a young woman's childhood in and eventual escape from North Korea, her years-long struggle to avoid repatriation, and her eventual resettlement in South Korea.

Why I loved it: The story of Lee's childhood simultaneously revealed the horrors of life in North Korea while at the same time humanizing everyday life. After putting the book down, I was left with the impression that life in North Korea is more horrible than I ever thought… but also filled with the normalcy of everyday life. I also walked away from the book with a deeper sympathy for the experience of refugees living in that liminal space of not being able to go "home" but not having a new home yet, in fear of being sent back but having nowhere to go. Incredible, powerful story.

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

Genre: memoir / nonfiction policy

Year Published: 2015

Description: This book is all about Bryan Stevenson's org, Equal Justice Initiative, and the work he has done exonerating innocent people on death row and pursuing more humane sentencing and the elimination of racial bias in America's criminal justice system.

Why I liked it: This book was simultaneously infuriating and eye-opening. Stevenson writes on the issue of racism in America's criminal justice system as an expert with years of experience as a lawyer working with clients and communities who have been the victims of bias. I was deeply impressed by Stevenson's concern for the individual clients and communities he represented. He persevered down to the last legal minutiae to care for them even though winning their case was far from guaranteed. Out of the case work for his clients came opportunities to change the culture and address systemic injustice.

My Life, My Love, My Legacy by Coretta Scott King

Genre: autobiography/memoir

Year Published: 2017

Description: The life story of Coretta Scott King - civil rights activist, mother of four, and wife of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Why I liked it: I've always heard that the civil rights movement was spearheaded by Christians. But, it wasn't until reading this book that I realized just how much the entire movement was inspired by Jesus, fueled by the Holy Spirit, and steeped in prayer. This book encouraged me to live bravely and boldly for Jesus. In white, American, evangelical circles (where I come from), we often uphold Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Corrie ten Boom, and William Wilberforce as our protestant "saints" - models of bravery and courage in the face of evil. We would do well to add Coretta Scott King to their ranks. Also, did you know Coretta Scott King was a concert singer? She toured the US giving concerts where she weaved song and storytelling to raise funds for the civil rights movement and to educate the public. Such a neat example of the beautiful weaving together of the arts, justice, and faith.

Becoming by Michelle Obama

Genre: memoir

Year Published: 2018

Description: Former FLOTUS writes about her life from childhood in Chicago's South Side all the way through First Lady of the United States up to the present day.

Why I liked it: Before picking up the book, "Becoming," I was vaguely aware that Michelle Obama was a highly accomplished woman before she ever became an Obama… something about Princeton and Harvard Law. What I wasn't aware of was that she can write. I have read dozens of memoirs and autobiographies in my life and "Becoming" is the most well-written of them all. The stories she weaves from her childhood were particularly beautiful. Stories from her experience inside the White House were fun and interesting too.


Honorable mentions:
"The Making of a Leader" by Bobby Clinton
"Overrated" by Eugene Cho
"Born a Crime" by Trevor Noah


Favorite books from other years: 2018, 2017, 2016, and 2015.

Three Seasons

The change of seasons. We feel it in our bones. The changes tell us we are on track. They inform our culture and give us a deep sense that what we are doing is right.

From when I was born until I turned thirty, I lived in four different places that went through the cycle of four seasons.

I remember warm summers in Portugal building sandcastles at the beach. I remember our apartment getting cold and damp in the winter and feeling mesmerized by the beauty of frost on the grass some mornings.

I remember humid summers in Illinois playing for hours a day in our family's above-ground, backyard pool. In winter, we crammed in post-school snow play before the night fell early.

I remember dry summers in Colorado, thunder rumbling somewhere in the sky almost every afternoon. I remember Christmases - the grass all brown and crispy, patches of snow in the shade, bare trees, and the brilliant blue sky overhead.

Even California had four seasons. I remember summers getting hotter and hotter, not a drop of rain with temps peaking in August and September bringing wildfires. By December, it was finally cool. Drizzly rains came and citrus trees were heavy with oranges and lemons.

When I left these Northern climates and came to Thailand, a tropical country with three seasons - hot, rainy, and cool, everything felt… wrong. Without the cyclical unfolding of four seasons, I felt like I had lost my bearing. 

December 2017 visiting Colorado and building a snowman ...versus...

December 2019 in Bangkok tromping around the flowers at the King's Park

But, now approaching four years of calling this tropical country "home," I now recognize the march through our three seasons -- hot; rainy; and cool -- and as the seasons pass one into the other I feel comforted because I expect them.

Here in Bangkok, the holidays come not with pumpkin spice everything or avoiding slushy puddles in the Target parking lot, but with an end to the rains, a stiff breeze, and runs at the local park amidst millions of flowers planted in honor of the late King's birthday. Every morning, we try to decide "Should we open the windows to let in the finally cool air or keep them shut against the pollution?"

In a few months, just as trees in the States put out fragile tight buds, the schools here let out. The heat index soars to 110… 120. I walk slowly along the sidewalk, hugging the shade, and pouring sweat. The smell of motorbike exhaust mixes with the smell of durian being chopped, weighed, and sold from the back of a pickup truck. With no rainfall and no clouds to block the relentless sun, even the pool and the ocean get too hot to cool us down and the entire nation throws water at each other to welcome the Thai New Year.

Right around when teachers and students in the States press through the last stretch to summer break, the clouds here quickly pile up high and dark, the wind whips. And minutes later the rain pours hard marking the beginning of five months of rainy season - time to pull out the uniforms and sharpen the pencils… back to school the kids go.

In September and October, pictures from the US tease us with images of sweaters and carved pumpkins. Here, the hot and humid rainy season presses on, no changes perceptible, though if you step outside and look up, there are hundreds of dragonflies flitting about just a few meters above the ground. Where they come from and where they go, I don't know, but I look for them every year.

As I now cycle through the three seasons from hot to rainy (and still hot) to cool(ish) I feel comforted because I am beginning to feel the change in my bones. Things are starting to feel on track. Things are starting to feel right again.

Isaiah - 2 years old

Isaiah turned two last month. What is he like these days? Here are a few little stories that capture a lot of the essence of two-year-old Isaiah.

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Late this afternoon, as dinnertime was approaching, I turned on the TV for the kids and got busy cooking. As usual, Isaiah heard my noises in the kitchen, came downstairs, grabbed a kitchen chair with his two hands, pushed it across the kitchen to the counter where I was preparing dinner, and climbed up standing next to me.

He busied himself with whatever kitchen things he could reach from his perch on the kitchen chair while I put greens and veggies into a bowl to make a salad. I sliced the top quarter off a lemon and squeezed the juice over the top.

"Mommy, want some lemon!" Isaiah said. So I gave him the rest of the lemon to hold.

"Slice it, Mommy!"

"You want a slice? Here you go." I handed him a circle of lemon and he squeezed the juice over the top of the salad, just like mommy.

Sometimes Isaiah and I prep a mountain of vegetable sticks for healthy munching. He loves it when I let him hold the carrot and the peeler. My large hands gently hold and guide his dimpled chubby hands that grip the carrot and the peeler. As the peels fall into the trash, he exclaims, "Oooo, mommy!"

Most mornings, Michael makes eggs for himself. If Isaiah is up in time, he helps. Michael cracks the eggs into a bowl and Isaiah beats them with a fork in just a few swift motions without spilling a drop.

Many, many hours are spent with this boy in the kitchen:

Isaiah is talking up a storm these days. He particularly loves his big sisters' most used phrases...
Look at me!
Can I see?
Can I try?
That's mine!
And my new favorite: What are you doing, Mommy?
His most impressive sentences are six or more words all strung together. Often they are about construction sites that he sees while I drive, "Oooo, Mommy, look! A cement truck out Cora's window!" Cement truck is pronounced "heh-ment truck."

Isaiah was thrilled when Daddy parked the car and walked him onto a construction site:

He also loves to sing. Amazing Grace, ABC's, Let it Go, Twinkle Twinkle and a couple Thai songs are his favorites.

When asked what color something is, Isaiah very confidently answers the wrong color. When asked to count, he says something along the lines of, "one two three four five six seven eleven twelve thirteen" while pointing to objects randomly and sometimes pointing to the same object two or three times.

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Isaiah started going to nursery/daycare at his sister's Thai school. The first two days he yell-cried... but only for two minutes. Since then, he hasn't cried at all. He is a bundle of cute energy whenever I pick him up. Today he told me "Anuban is so fun." This weekend, he started singing a Thai song about a butterfly that we've never taught him, must've picked it up at school!

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Isaiah, It is an absolute joy to get to be your Mommy. I am so proud of you, buddy!

Cora - Five Years Old

Our sweet, middle child, Cora, turned FIVE today! What is she like these days?

If Cora was an animal, she would be a worker bee. She goes to full day, Thai preschool where the production level that her teachers expect is more akin to American 1st grade. When she comes home, I ask her, "Cora, do you want to run off and play or do your homework?" "Homework!" she yells back. She contently sits at the kitchen table for 20-30 minutes, coloring, cutting and gluing, doing simple math problems, and painstakingly writing Thai letters and words that look like this: หนู

Some of her favorite activities include putting her laundry away, wiping walls with wet sponges while singing Cinderella songs, setting the table, and helping me cook. Every morning, she pulls up her bedsheet, tucks in her stuffed animals, and lays her blanket on top smoothing out all the wrinkles.

Cora eats and sleeps so much. When she is tired or hungry, all of her productive, self-sufficient energy evaporates and she crumples to the ground exclaiming, "Mommy, I don't want to do ANYTHING!" She goes from worker bee mode to sloth mode sometimes unable to even dress herself for bed.

Cora loves arts and beautiful things. She'll often disappear to another room in the house to work on a coloring book or to make a card for a family member. She plans her outfits and hairstyles days, sometimes weeks, in advance. She dresses up as a princess, Thai dancer, or ballerina every day. I taught Cora how to embroider, look at her go!

Cora loves to be silly. Her favorite word is butt in Thai "gohn." "Mommy look, there's a PRINCESS on my GOHN!" she'll yell, wearing just undies, her bottom high in the air showing off her favorite pair of undies that have Snow White on the butt. She bursts into a piercing cackle, her huge, almost black eyes gleaming and her mouth open wide showing perfect rows of tiny teeth.

Cora adores her big sister, Grace, buuut she can be a total little sister punk to her. She knows just what to say and do to burst Grace's bubble and she does it quietly provoking tears and screams. When I check in on why Grace is terribly upset, Cora has a sly, pleased with herself smile on her face.

Cora also adores her little brother, Isaiah, buuut she tries to be his little mommy. She is very fearful for him and protective, grabbing his hands or his waist and trying to move him away from danger. Isaiah usually starts fussing and crying, "No want to Doowuh!" (He calls her "doowuh"!) I often have to ensure her, "Cora, let him go, I'm watching him, I won't let him get hurt." My favorite is when she tries to carry him. He's not quite two-years-old, they are about the same size, yet she can usually get his feet off the ground.

Cora, I love and cherish you. It's so amazing to watch you grow and learn. I'm so glad I get to be your mommy!

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Each year, on my kids' birthdays until they turn five, I write up a blog post - an attempt to capture their personalities during their little years to remember later. These are by far, absolutely my favorite posts to re-read. Here are the posts from when Cora turned four, three, two, and one.

Swimming in the Jungle

I've been thinking a lot about parenting out of my strengths rather than out of some notion of what I think a good mom "should" do.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to bake cookies with my three kids, ages 6, 4, and 1. I don't like baking. When I think about the handful of times I've baked with my kids, I feel stressed. But, I have this image of a "good mom" in the kitchen, patiently helping her kids measure flour and crack eggs. So, I decided baking cookies together was a good idea.

Within about five minutes of starting, one daughter had dropped a raw egg on the floor, the other daughter had cracked a raw egg with the insides landing more on the table than in the bowl, somehow there was flour everywhere already, and the one year old was yelling "See! See! See!" wanting to spend the whole experience up high on my hip where he could watch the baking chaos leaving me short one hand that I so desperately needed.

I felt overwhelmed and I was doing everything I could not to roll my eyes and snap at my daughters. I told them how I was feeling, "Grace and Cora, mommy is feeling a little overwhelmed right now. You're not in trouble, but I need a break. I'm going to mix the dough during Isaiah's nap and later this afternoon, you can help me form the dough into cookies." Thankfully, they were chill and went with it. Who wants to bake with barely-holding-it-together-mommy anyway?

Fast forward a week, we were on vacation at one of the beautiful islands here in Thailand. After a couple of days of going to the beach and the pool, the pool and the beach, I pulled out my phone to see what else we could do and found the description of a short hike to a waterfall. "Michael are you up for this?" "Sure, let's do it."

The next day, we dressed our kids in swimsuits, packed lots of snacks, and coached them along a 600 meter hiking trail through the jungle to a waterfall that was just a trickle due to little rain. Over the next couple of hours, I took my kids swimming in the deep, cool natural pool showing them how to keep the fish from nibbling their feet and legs and showing them how to use the ropes to pull themselves up onto the rocks surrounding the pool so they could jump and slide into the water. We watched orange butterflies fluttering around and we fed cracker crumbs to the fish. The time flew by. I felt tired, but in a satisfied way from working and playing hard.

When I think of a "good mom," I think of quality time baking cookies together in the kitchen. When I think of a "good mom" I never think of quality time swimming in a natural pool on a jungle island. But, the cookie baking scenario stresses me out. The hiking and swimming scenario sounds SO MUCH FUN every time.

Since we live in a large city, adventurous hikes don't happen often, but I do enjoy sharing mini experiences of nature and adventure with my kids even if it's going to the neighborhood pool, trying a new Thai fruit or dessert together, playing at the park after dinner, or watering plants together on the front porch.

My husband doesn't bake and, if it wasn't for me, he probably wouldn't go swimming in the jungle. These are not his strengths. Michael is a total Bible nerd, devouring books and podcasts on theology and the Bible. He is also a gifted teacher. He can explain complicated subjects clearly and succinctly.

This strength has found its way into his parenting. When he is hanging out with the kids at home, he gets into deep conversations about God, theology, the Bible, and life - taking complicated topics that most adults don't even understand and packaging them in a way that our daughters can understand. When they talk theology, their endless questions meet his endless patience and Michael satiates their curiosity with stories, metaphors, and examples of really, really complicated stuff. He frequently keeps our girls happy and engaged for long periods of time by simply using this strength.

Doing only things I enjoy 100% of the time while parenting is totally unrealistic. There's usually a mountain of dishes at my house, homework to complete, groceries to buy. BUT letting go of my fantasy image of the good mom I "should" be and replacing that image with who I really am, strengths, weaknesses, and all… that sounds doable, life-giving, and runs a higher chance of me actually connecting with my kids and passing on some of the things I love to my little munchkins during these short years that they are under my care.

Isaiah - 18 Months Old

Isaiah recently turned one and a half. So, I'm writing a few thoughts down so the busy-ness of this phase doesn't make me end up forgetting how precious and fun he is at this age.

Isaiah has learned to assert himself into the noise and chaos of a larger family. Our daily dinner together is never quiet. Our goal is always to have one person talking at a time, but often one or more people are talking and one person is singing a Disney song.

Isaiah sits in his booster seat watching the dinner show, occasionally imitating some of the words and sounds he hears. When he needs something he interjects, yelling what he needs, "BREAD! BREAD! BREAD! BREAD!" Until one of us responds, "Ok, Isaiah. I'll get you some more bread."

Isaiah loves all things cooking related. He pulls out pots and pans and imitates my cooking perfectly. He takes off a lid, stirs his imaginary soup, bangs the spoon on the side of the pot, and puts the lid back on. Just like mommy.

Anytime something is on the stove or in the oven, he yells, "MOMMY UP UP UP!" Until I pick him up and show him exactly what's cooking.

Isaiah can't get enough of playing outside on our gated driveway in front of our house. He stands at our front door yelling, "OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE!" When he gets outside, he throws rocks, grabs fistfuls of dirt, swings on his tummy on the swing, and yells "NAHM NAHM NAHM!" (Thai for water) when he wants me to turn on the outside faucet.

When Isaiah gets hurt, he not only cries from the pain, but he gets angry. The last time he got shots, he was in a rage for about 15 minutes! He also strongly dislikes the little fuzzy, hairballs that get caught in the corner of the room and swirl in the wind of the fan. When he sees them, his whole body tenses up and he yells (so much yelling with this one!) "FUH! FUH! FUH!" (which is his questionable sounding word for "fuzz") until someone picks it up and throws it away.

This picture has nothing to do with anything... but that face!

Isaiah's ability to speak exploded a couple of months ago. He went from grunting to get his needs met to, well, yelling his needs. His Thai babysitter watches him two mornings a week, so there are a fair number of Thai words in the mix. 

One day, we were sitting on the ground reading books. Every time he brought me a new book from the bookshelf she said "nah seuh." After wondering for a while what "nah seuh" was, it hit me. He was saying "book" in Thai - "nang-seuh."

His favorite word for many months has been the Thai word for tickle - jak-a-chee. He says it all the time. Once I asked him, "Isaiah, can you say Jesus?" He responded, "Jak a Jesus!" Another time, I said, "Isaiah, can you count? One, two, three!" He responded, "Jak, a, chee!"

Isaiah pretty much hates being alone. But, if a sister is in the same room as him, he can play hard for a long time. In the morning, when Michael brings him into the kitchen after he wakes up, he peers around the corner, straining his neck to see which of his sisters is awake. When he sees one or both he points and identifies them, "DORA!" "DACE!"

He wants to be just like Grace and Cora. He once even begged me to do his hair like them.

Thai women often give Isaiah lots of love and attention. So, Isaiah loves Thai women. Here he is, willingly hanging out with the women selling desserts at the food court.

Isaiah, you are a sweet, fun handful and I'm so glad God made me your mommy.