Cora - 18 Months Old

Two weeks ago, Cora became a big one and a half year old. Let's see if I can capture a bit of this stage before it slides on by...

Cora loves snuggling and hates it when she falls or gets hurt in any way. In the week leading up to our move and for our first two weeks in Thailand, she practically lived in my arms. Though she's often gentle and snuggly, she also loves being thrown around pretty wildly, and she's always up for teasing, tickling, and joking around. Here she is smiling for the camera. Ridiculous!

Cora spends a lot of the day singing in a shy, raspy, out of tune voice. Her favorite song is "I'm Bringing Home a Baby Bumblebee" especially the part that goes "ouch! It stung me!" 

She recently went from not counting at all to counting all time. It goes something like this: "one! two! fee! foh! five!..." every number pronounced emphatically all the way to ten.

Cora likes to tell us what she's thinking about. Today, I was at the grocery store with her on my hip and out of nowhere she said, "Stahs. Memba dat?" (translation: Stairs. Remember that?") 
"Yes, Cora. I remember going on the stairs." 
Then, a few minutes later: "Fimming poo. Memba dat?" (translation: Swimming pool. Remember that?) 
"Yes, I remember swimming in the pool."
It's so fun to know what's on her mind!

Cora always knows what she wants and when she doesn't get her way, she often breaks down into tears or a full-blown, classic toddler tantrum. There have been a few times when she's been tantruming only to stop mid-performance to see how we are reacting. When she sees us ignoring her, she turns off the tantrum like nothing happened and moves on with life!

Some of Cora's favorite things include...

• Hangers. Hanging them on our drying rack and taking them off. On repeat. And counting them to ten regardless of how many hangers there are.
• Saying "no" all the time. Or more precisely, saying "no gank-u" (no thank you).
• Wearing every hairtie we own around her wrist and every hairclip we own on her head.
• Putting headbands and necklaces on and taking them off over and over and over.
• Eating dragon fruit, pineapple, and watermelon.
• Her little gray bunny and her pacifier. She would carry those around all day if we let her. May we never, ever lose bunny.
• Watching family members pee. Seriously. Sometimes, when Grace is on the toilet, I have to tell Cora to take a step back because I'm afraid she'll get peed on!
• "Pretend cream." The first week we were here in Thailand, both girls developed heat rashes that turned into yeast infections, so every night and morning, we applied a yeast cream. Cora loved the gentle neck and head rub. The yeast infection is gone, but we now do a "pretend cream" massage for her every night before bed.

Cora, you are one sweet, feisty, snuggly, smart peanut. Mommy and Daddy love you so much just the way you are!

New Home

"I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself."  - Maya Angelou

Here are some pictures from Bangkok, our new home.

Grace is the center of attention when we are with Michael's family.

A street and an alley near our house.

Taxiing to the grocery store for the first time. What did the girls think about the freedom of no car seats? They loved it, of course!

Grace is obsessed escalators.

Grace and Cora "fah-weeping" our front porch.

Did I mention yet that it's hot in Bangkok? It's hot - as in low 90's (err... 33 celsius) and 70% or higher humidity. We own a whopping twelve fans. At any given time, at least four are running.

There are so many yummy food vendors near us. A modest-sized meal usually costs around $1. So, we eat out all the time. Here's Cora waiting for lunch.

Couldn't quite get myself to eat these conjoined bananas. The girls ate them though.

Again, lots of delicious food nearby. These intimidating little guys cost about 70 cents. They were salty, greasy, crispy, and delicious. I need to buy them again.

Empty

In a word, how does it feel to be boarding a plane tonight to move our family to Thailand? Empty.

I remember in Fall 2008 walking around Bed, Bath, and Beyond with my Michael by my side and a wedding registry gun in hand. The moment we saw the white dishes with little red berries, we both loved them and "beep" they were on our registry. We've loved that dish set ever since. It's now all packed up and stored away. We'll be getting new dishes in Thailand.

I remember graduating from college and getting a new, used Corolla. We named her "Shwewbwy" (don't ask). Six years after graduation, Michael very nervously drove Grace home from the hospital in that car while I sat in back with her. Then, 18 months later, he much less nervously drove Cora home from the hospital while I sat in front with him. We sold that car to a friend.

Dishes, car... we're also giving up our home, our furniture, our church, most of our books, our neighborhood, our favorite parks and playgrounds, etc.

And then there are the people. In December, I said goodbye to my siblings and my three year old niece who will be five next time I see her. On Monday, I said goodbye to my mom. Yesterday, I said goodbye to my dad.

Tonight, when we board the plane, we say goodbye to the English language and U.S. culture.

Empty. I've given up almost everything.

Emptiness has such a negative connotation, which it deserves because it involves a lot of stress and strain and grief and sadness.

But, for the follower of Jesus, emptiness is a place of expectation and assurance. It's only when a seed falls to the ground and dies that it can grow. When we lose life, we find Life. When we give up home and family for the sake of the gospel, we get those things back x100 in this life.

Someday, I'll look back and see how this emptying of almost everything I've got cleared the space and paved the way for new Kingdom of God things to fill their place. I have no idea how or when this is going to happen, but I can't wait to look back and be amazed!

Grace - Three Years Old

Next week, Grace turns three, or as she says it, "fuh-dee." Her birthday falls on the day we arrive in Thailand, so she will spend her special day on two planes, in two countries (Taiwan and Thailand), and totally zonked from 24 hrs of travel and a +15 hour time change.

So, what's Grace like these days?

She loves music. That's an understatement. Music moves Grace like nothing else. (Except sugar. In a weaker moment, she'd probably trade me for a chocolate donut with sprinkles.)

Grace spends most of her day singing. When she hears a new song, it takes just a few listens for her to memorize it, so she's developed quite a repertoire. These days, she particularly enjoys cycling through every song from every Daniel Tiger episode she's ever watched.

She also loves toying with her voice and words. She'll often take a normal song and sing it in a strange, robot voice. Or she'll take a normal word like "seaweed" and change it up to "seatweet."

She's incredibly affectionate. Grace loves being tickled, being held, and crawling into my lap to read a book. Every night before she goes to sleep, she asks for a "back-catch" (backscratch). This is not an example of her toying with words. "Back-catch" is just how she says it!

Grace has developed a strange and wild imagination. Sometimes, her hands are an airplane, her princess figurines are popcorn, or our family room carpet is a river. She has three imaginary friends, Kippy Kopp, Hoggy, and Bombom. They've gone on many adventures. She's recently started teaching Cora about them.

Last May, Grace developed the most intense, deep set fear of smoke detectors. This came completely out of the blue and robbed us all of several nights of sleep until we covered every little light on every smoke detector in our house with stickers. So much for checking to make sure they work.

Once, she saw an uncovered smoke detector out in the wild. When the little light flashed, she dove to the floor like a WWI soldier in a foxhole. The other day, she told me, "I used to be afraid of smoke detectors, but not anymore!" and asked me to peel off their stickers. I'm cautiously hopeful that this fear is now behind us.

Grace's favorite things these days include

• Storytime at the library.
• Small, enclosed spaces. I've found her climbing into the dryer and hiding in kitchen cupboards. She often begs me to build her forts and make her "doggy beds."
• Being my little girl. When we talk about her turning three, she always wants me to reassure her that she'll still be my little girl.
• Cora. Grace has perfected the big sister role. She is bossy, protective, sweet, and playful with her little sister.
• The TV show, Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. After a failed attempt at potty training Grace, Daniel Tiger potty trained 2.5 year old Grace in one 30 minute episode. God bless Daniel Tiger and all his over auto-tuned singing.
• Going to the playground (especially climbing ladders).
• When Michael holds her in his arms, twirling her and singing "Let's dance around the house!" She recently told us, "My favorite thing is dancing with Daddy" which promptly turned our hearts into puddles.
• Cheesin for pictures. Look at that smile!

Grace, I could have never thought you up. You are an amazing little kid. Mommy is so proud of you and loves you so much.

Three More Weeks

I sit at my desk watching a cold, steady drizzle. The tree right outside my window is bare and dark and wet. The branches bend and sway in the wind. This is your typical, dreary Southern California winter day. In twenty six days, we move from Los Angeles to Bangkok. There will certainly be rain, but of the warm, tropical downpour type. Trees will be scarcer and chilly days will be nonexistent. So I bask in the California cold.

As our move approaches, my awareness of everyday things heightens. I've begun to absorb all that I can trying to memorize the feel, the sights, and the sounds of this California life I've been living for the past dozen years.

I've gone on many runs outside through the neighborhood in a tshirt and shorts. Running in shorts through my Bangkok neighborhood… not going to happen. Today is our weekly day off from work and productivity. Michael and I are baking challah. I will memorize the smell of yeasty dough rising on the counter, the feel of the warmth from our oven as it bakes, and that taste of fresh bread with butter. Our theoretical apartment in Bangkok (we don't have one yet) won't have an oven and even if it did, due to the heat, we'd be crazy to turn it on.

A lot is about to change. I feel like I'm at the edge of a cliff checking my parachute before I jump, only the jump is just the beginning. Once I land on the ground below, I will be in a whole new world where I do not understand what people are saying, I do not understand why people do what they do, and cars drive on the wrong left side of the street. "It's not wrong, it's just different" will be my mantra.

Yet, every morning, we wake up and we simply take another step toward the edge. Vaccinations, thank you notes, skype calls, and shipping details. Soon we will reach our last day in the U.S. and we'll board plane #1. Then, the next day will be split between plane #1 and plane #2. Then the next day we'll arrive in Thailand.

Then, every morning after that for a long time, we will wake up and simply take the next step, whatever that may be, as we begin to unlock and uncover our new life in Thailand.

But, for now, I sit here bundled up in double socks, sweatpants and sweatshirt watching the rain fall and another day tick by.

30

For the past several years right around my birthday, I have written a reflective post on the past twelve months. Tomorrow, I turn thirty(!), so now I pause to look back on the past year before blazing on ahead.

What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

I loved watching Cora develop from a little baby into a rambunctious toddler. It's incredible to watch a unique personality unfold, and this kid has sure got personality.

What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

Parenting two little kids. My girls challenge me to the edge of my patience, wisdom, creativity, and sanity on a regular basis. It's so worth it.

What was an unexpected joy this past year?
In order to develop a team of people to back us up as we move to Thailand, we met up with dozens of individuals, couples, and families over the course of the past year. It was so joyful to reconnect with people we haven't seen in months or years.
Michael and I have also started sharing our writing and music in rough draft form with each other for purposes of encouragement and critique. It's been fun to grow together in creativity.

What was an unexpected obstacle?
For the first few months of 2015, my kids got back to back to back colds with three ear infections thrown in. I was in full-time mommy mode cooped up in the house with two under two. I got so utterly sick of my kids always being sick.

What image best captures this year?
Waiting for takeoff

With whom were your most valuable relationships?

• Each person who has supported us in our big transition to Thailand. As we step into the unknown, I feel bolstered up by quite a crowd.
• My kids.
• My husband who sees me, hears me, cares for me, and keeps me sane like no other person.

What was the best way you used your time this past year?

The full month last summer and the half month this December that we spend with my side of the family in Colorado before we move far, far away.
On a day to day basis, I didn't have much extra time this year (read: mom, little kids, the end.) But, I somehow squeezed in doing The Artist's Way, a 12-week course on creativity. It took about seven months to get through and I only did 30% of the assigned stuff, but I very much enjoyed it. It was a great break from the serious tasks of parenting and transitioning.

What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?

The typical American Christian culture "quiet time" of silently reading the Bible, writing in a journal, and praying every morning often feels more like a burden than an opportunity to connect with God. When I let go of this expectation, I am free to encounter and interact with God in new, creative, deep, and meaningful ways that slowly mold me into the person He's created me to be.

What days will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My little Grace came down with pneumonia two days before Christmas. I will always remember stroking her hair and holding her hand next to the humidifier as she struggled to get enough oxygen. If we had lived in a different time or place, I don't know if she would have made it. But, thanks to amoxicillin, her situation never got out of hand. I love antibiotics.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Any time I extended grace to my family, situations out of my control, or myself rather than becoming frustrated or controlling.
And keeping two very young children alive and doing well. That was definitely a big achievement too.

What was your biggest failure?
The times that I was not a gracious person, especially to myself, my husband, and my kids.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I've spent the vast majority of my time this past year snuggling, tidying, bouncing, rocking, nursing, cooking, changing, wiping, feeding, comforting, entertaining, disciplining, etc. In November, I went off to a retreat center in the high desert for 24 hours all by myself. The silence. The slowness. It was absolutely delicious.

What kept you sane?
Michael. Writing. Sleep (when it happened).

What were your favorite things/products this year?

• The MAM pacifier and a certain little gray bunny make Cora happy and willing to sleep. Happy baby, happy mama.
• Dollar store stickers. We discovered early last year that Grace will stay quietly in bed all night in exchange for two dollar store stickers in the morning. Best trade ever.
• My Kindle. I read dozens of books in the nooks and crannies of my days.
• My new Zenbook. It's Asus' answer to the Macbook Air, only with better features and lower cost.
• This blog. Guys, I love writing here!

What are you looking forward to the most this year?

The day when everyday life in Bangkok feels somewhat normal. That'll happen this year, right? Right??

~

Here are my posts from when I turned 29, 28, 27, 26, and 25.

5 Best Reads of 2015

The New York Times and Goodreads have published their lists of the top books of the year. Now let me add my little list of personal favorites to the interwebs. Of the dozens of books I read in 2015, here are the five that I enjoyed the most.

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver
I not so secretly want to be a small farmer who uses poop for fertilizer, raises chickens, and cans all her own food, so every year or so, I read a big, crunchy book about raising your own food. Barbara Kingsolver, author of The Poisonwood Bible, writes about a year of living off the land with her family of four. From everything you ever wanted to know about asparagus at the beginning to turkey sex at the end, this NYTimes bestselling memoir is cover to cover interesting!

Wonder by R.J. Palacio
Auggie, a super smart 5th grader with severe facial abnormalities, has been homeschooled his whole life when his parents enroll him in a mainstream middle school for the first time -- an environment that is usually not kind to kids who are different. The author jumps around between different characters' points of view to tell this fictional story of Auggie's school year. It is a really quick, easy, fun read and the central message of kindness, although a little beat over the head, seems very relevant these days. And it's a #1 NYTimes Bestseller.

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron
Putting this book on a list of "reads" is misleading. The Artist's Way is more than just a book. It is an international, bestselling 12-week course replete with exercises designed to help people discover, uncover, and unblock their creativity. It is a lot of work and a lot of fun, and it changed the way I view and approach art and got me creating like crazy.

The Crossover by Kwame Alexander
This book makes my list because it's just so darn creative. The Crossover is a fictional story about family, illness, and basketball written from the perspective of a black, middle school kid. Every chapter is a poem or verse. (If you're thinking sonatas, you're way off. If you're thinking rap or spoken word you're onto the writing style). The Crossover won both the Newbery Medal and the Coretta Scott King Award in 2015.

Soul Keeping by John Ortberg
In this book, John Ortberg delves into what the soul is and how to best care for this crucial yet fragile part of us through practices like gratitude, slowing, and silence. Much of the content is based off of a decades long mentor/mentee relationship between Dallas Willard and John Ortberg. Ortberg takes Willard's thoughts that are often as hard to digest as concrete and makes them super sticky and digestible.